2020 New Year’s Resolutions

Well, apparently, it’s become a tradition for me to write a new year’s blog post every year. Really, my previous year’s work may just be better (can you say something different every year on the same topic after all?), so you may want to check it out here https://mindfulkalindi.com/three-ways-not-to-set-new-years-resolutions/ and here https://mindfulkalindi.com/lets-talk-new-years-resolutions-goals-vs-intentions/. If you are interested to hear my 2020 intentions and some ideas for yours, read on …

1) 2020 intention words: For those of you that remember, my 2019 intention word was courage and boy did it prove to be a powerful word. I thought I’d just be gifted with courage without realizing that shocker, yes, I’d have to work for it. So, this year I decided to continue that momentum and picked out the following intention words:

Self-assurance: I am not the most confident person in the world, but I picked self-assurance over self-confidence because I feel self-assurance is a more fundamental word. To me, it means that basic sense that I am ok, I am enough just as I am and to trust myself and my journey and not beat myself up when I make a mistake or put too much weight in what others think of me. I also picked self-assurance over self-love because I feel self-assurance encompasses self-love and then some. To me, self-assurance = self-confidence + self-love.

Joy & play: When we talk about goals, we tend to take ourselves so seriously. When we work, when we do a lot of things, we take ourselves so seriously. Why? Why can’t we work and play and have joy all at once? Try it. Next time you’re doing a “serious” task, smile 🙂 It may feel weird, but science shows us that smiling has the power to change your brain chemistry, sending all those feel good hormones. Plus, take time to let your inner child out to play to jump in a pile of leaves, to be outside, to find joy in the little moments.

Integrity, authenticity and ownership: Yes, these are three more words, but hear me out; they fit a theme. I am a people pleaser, a social chameleon. My default is to agree with whatever someone says – whether I’ve thought it through or not – and more importantly to say whatever I think someone wants to hear – whether  that is my true motive or desire or highest integrity thing for me to say or not. After all integrity and authenticity mean speaking your truth even if that truth is not so pretty, even if it’s a darker aspect of yourself you are afraid won’t be received well. It means being courageous and truthful and not being so afraid to hurt other people or be hurt that you lose integrity. “White lies” may seem innocent but can lead down a slippery slope and why can’t we just say no sometimes without having to have an excuse for it. Yes, it’s ok just to say, “No, I can’t hang out or help right now because I don’t want to and it’s not good for me. It’s okay!

Maybe I just like words, but I feel like integrity and authenticity integrate into ownership. Taking ownership for your actions, words and motives. Not making excuses, not playing the victim – “Oh I do this because of this in my past”. And I’m talking to myself here… Acknowledge the past so you can understand, reframe and ultimately maybe release it. But don’t let it hold you back. Making excuses, getting defensive are all not of the highest integrity. Things don’t just “happen” we have choices always even if our choice is simply how to respond to a situation. Be honest and authentic enough with yourself to admit your weaknesses and mistakes in a constructive what can I do to improve way; not a self-defeating way. Be authentic and acknowledge and take ownership of your strengths and weaknesses – yes, it’s ok to have both. In 2020 and beyond, I vow to have the highest integrity and authenticity with myself and others and to take ownership of my life, actions, choices, strengths, weaknesses, mistakes and all.

LOVE: Not romantic love, although that is included of course, but love with a capital L – Divine Love. It means giving it unconditionally even if it is at a distance or to all spirit souls in general and even if it is to people you don’t like. It means loving your loved ones unconditionally as well even with their mistakes and appreciating them for who they are and the lessons they have to teach you. And, of course, it means loving yourself also unconditionally even when you inevitably do make mistakes and or don’t handle things as skillfully as you could, forgiving yourself and striving to do better. Of course that doesn’t mean you can’t have boundaries and you should have them.  Just that you are giving and receiving unconditional love as your state of being, a shield of Love and Light surrounding you as both your armor and gift to the world.

Listen: As a talker who sometimes has verbal diarrhea, my journey with chronic jaw pain has been trying to teach me to listen among other things. It’s still a journey. Listening in a world of talking is huge though and it means listening even when it’s uncomfortable. Relating back to integrity in an interpersonal situation, listening means listening mindfully instead of with your defensive reactions already in place. It means truly listening to the other person and empathizing with their point of view even (and especially) when it doesn’t put you in the best light or may relate to something you could have handled better. Listening also means listening internally to yourself, to your body, to your intuition. Taking the time to simply quiet down …

And, of course, courage, my 2019 word will definitely continue to be a part of my 2020 journey.

2) Change your story: When we talk about resolutions or goals or intentions what we are really talking about is changing our story… You know, that stories you tell yourself… Maybe these say things like I’m not good enough or I’m bad at … Maybe they’re that self-critical voice in your head on repeat bringing you down. Try this as an exercise. Write down your “old” story. Aka the current one you have on repeat. Write it out in all its glorious detail and then read it over and break it down and rewrite it, reframing any negative stories to positive intention statements. For instance, “I’m not organized and often feel overwhelmed” could be reframed to “I prioritize organizing my tasks, so I feel calm and have space to accomplish my goals.” This idea comes from my friend Bob Litwin and his book Living the Best Story of Your Life, which has further ideas for those interested.

3) Daily Affirmations: Now that you have your new stories and intention words, the key to breaking negative thought patterns is habit and practice, in other words replacing and reframing the old with the new and this means repetition! Print off your intention words and new story and put it somewhere visible like by your mirror and read it aloud to yourself often, first thing when you wake up and before you go to bed and ideally throughout the day. It may feel awkward or silly at first but if you allow it, this can be a powerful way to manifest your intentions. Struggling to come up with one? Try this on for size: “I am so powerful. I am amazing.” “You are so powerful. You are amazing.” “We are so powerful. We are amazing!”

What are your intentions, goals, and dreams for 2020 as we enter this next decade? Share in the comments below or email me at kalindi@oncourtoffcourt.com

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