Dreams, Time Travel, and Fantasy Worlds

Did you ever want to travel back in time and visit childhood hunts or connect with family members that have passed? If you could, what fantasy world would you visit? Would you be yourself or would you prefer to slip into the role of your favorite character or hero from a beloved book or movie or even one of your inner creation? If you had magical powers, what would they be? What would it feel like to use them? What would it be like to fly? What if I told you, you could do all that and more for about two hours every day?

I’ll let you in on a secret. Not only can you do all of the above, but chances are you already are doing many of them – when you sleep! Research shows that we dream for about two hours a night. I’ve always paid attention to my dreams in some shape or form. It was hard not to pay attention to occasional intense nightmares as a child or magical flying dreams. If I could pick a magical power to have for the shear joy and pure desire of it (without thought of how said power might be able to contribute to my community and help friends and family), it would definitely be flying. Maybe its because I’ve always had an affinity with the air element? It was hard not to as a head in the clouds only child who devoured fantasy books every since she discovered the Redwall series at age seven.

As an aside (or maybe an aside to this aside?), my love affair with books, probably started before then. One of my earliest memories is at age 3, before learning to read, having memorized my favorite bedtime story, “The Butter Thief” , and dutifully flipping the pages and reading it aloud, my then black curls dancing as a flipped my head with each page. If you haven’t heard of “The Butter Thief”, that’s because you probably didn’t grow up within a bhakti yoga Hare Krishna community – it’s an adorable picture book with little Krishna styling butter from his mom, Yashoda. Don’t worry I don’t know much about pop culture so we’ll call it even. My pop culture as a kid, besides a few PBS shoes I got to watch for 30min each afternoon after school (usually Arther) and occasional weekend mornings (the Redwall animated series and Mythbusters were favorites, were stories about Krishna and Rama. The animated Ramayana movie was one of my favorites. Hanuman, the monkey god, was the son of the wind god, Vayu, and could fly so maybe that fed into that dream both in waking life and in dream land.

If you’re feeling a bit dizzy reading this, it’s probably because I’ve been writing this stream of consciousness, much like falling from one dream to the next, grasping at the strands of connection and lucidity. In the last couple years, every since taking an online dream course taught by a dear friend, I’ve taken to writing down my dreams, and it’s been a fascinating deep dive into my consciousness, specifically the “un” and “sub” parts of it. In the almost 1500 hours of dreaming in the last two years, I’ve time traveled (many times) to my past, I’ve side-hopped to alternate realities, I’ve attempted to work through challenging emotions and interpersonal conflicts, I’ve flown, I’ve wielded powerful magic, I’ve been chased, I’ve been myself, I’ve been fantasy characters, I’ve dreamed of stories I could write, I’ve woken with my heart racing in fear, and sometimes I’ve even realized I was dreaming and gained some measure of lucid control of my dream.

What is real? Are dreams any less real than memories or books read, stories and characters that have taken up permanent residence in my mind? I’ve been pondering how memories and dreams can be so similar in many ways. Some things I remember, vividly, generally those with a strong emotional impact and/or repeated pattern groves. The first kiss with my now husband. Childhood summers spent in the countryside in German with my grandparents, mom and cousins. The temple I grew up next to. Reading the 6^th Harry Potter book when it came out, in German in the British English version, and getting to read it before my cousin since it wasn’t out in German yet. Some memories like that last one are filed away in a memory lock box and come out with a burst of recognition when I start to travel down memory lane.

I’ve noticed the more present I am in the moment with minimal mental time traveling to the past or future or other worlds, the more likely I will be to remember that moment. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a time and place of course for reminiscing about the past, dreaming about the future or creating fantasy worlds in your head. But if you want to really remember a moment, it does help to really sink into it and maybe shut some of those other programs for a bit or at least the files. I have dreams that I remember more vividly than memories of travel from ten years ago. A song from the past has the power to evoke the memory of the feeling in that moment.

What’s the point of this reflection? I’ll leave that up to you, dear reader. Dreams are always open to interpretation after all. We create the meaning. We are the stories being written. A cosmic library of beautiful books being written, shared, sometimes even weaving into shared universes, shared worlds.

Great Mother

I stumble
into a golden realm
The realm
of the Great Mother
Giant four breasted
Infinite Great Mother
This is her realm
She occupies
The entirety of it
She heard my prayer
Like a babe crying out
Healing! Healing!

So greedy
She chides
In a loving
Yet no nonsense voice
Here suckle
At this breast
Let my healing milk
Flow into you
It will cleanse any infections
And prevent future ones

Oh Great Mother!
Why is there pain?

Pain of mind body or spirit
Is a teacher in the embodied realm
Here in the spirit realm
all are the same
But eventually all children
Want to explore
To learn, to experience

And so
the Giant Grasshopper
comes forth
And sews bodies
for spirit beings
To inhabit
But with that embodiment
Comes great feeling
And great pain

The pain though
It’s meant to be
More of a lightening strike
Quick maybe intense yes
But then it’s over
Washed in a blanket of love
You get confused though
And scared
You try to push away
The lightening
You resist
You hide
You refuse to feel
And so the lightening
Turns into a blanket of pain
And fear festering
Like a deep rooted infection
Covering the blanket of love
In these sewn bodies you wear
With stitched minds
And DNA strands
Of woven ancesters

Feel the pain
Fully completely
Feel all of it
Mind body spirit
Truly witness it
Embrace it
Love it
And you need only
Feel it for a moment
For you have taken in
The medicine
And alchemized the rest

That’s very hard to do
I whisper

So silly
I mean human
I get those words
Confused sometimes
They are very similar
Silly human
You forget
You are divine

When you remember
You will return
To drink my breast
Child awakened
And you will offer back
Your love, your experience
Of embodiment
And it will enrich us
Love is ever expanding

Child you walk
The path
of the shaman
Walker between realms
Spirit weaver
You who have returned
To suckle
While still embodied
In human form
You forgot and returned
And left again
Always with my blessing
For I know you will always return
You already have

Failure & Experience Points

No question about it, the bitter pill of failure, any kind of failure, can be hard to stomach. I’ve always hated failing at something and haven’t ever really thought much about any potential positives from it until more recently when I played my first fantasy adventure role play game.

You see, in the game, as with all role-play dice games, you can roll what’s called a failure roll and it basically means what it sounds like. You fail and don’t achieve what you set out to do. There is a silver lining to this though in that every time you roll a failure dice, you also gain what are called experience points. In the game, this means your character, while they fail in the short term and may get sent back, in the long run they gain more skills and abilities.

Aha! Perhaps this could apply to my own life…. Looking through this lens, with every setback, every failure big or small, I haven’t been only failing, I’ve been gaining experience. Over time, I’ve gained perspective and resiliency, I’ve grown, even when I didn’t always realize it. And yes, I’ve revisited the same lessons over and over and have gained lots of experience from them, going into deeper layers each time!

Now if only I could remember this the next time I’m in the depths of despair of failure’s chokehold, listening to its insipid lies that I’m not good enough.

Well maybe not, maybe not today, maybe not ever, at least according to the critical judge inside my head whispering insipid lies about my worth. Maybe, just maybe, next time, I’ll be able to whisper back, “Thank you, you’re right this was a big failure. Just think how many experience points we’ll get!”

Inspirations from Nordic Spa Culture

If you had told me say five years ago that I would be cold plunging in the Canadian winters, I would have said you were crazy! However, in the past couple of years, I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to spend time at various Nordic spas in Canada and have become obsessed with the healing benefits of contrast or hot cold therapy (including cold plunges) and inspired by the hygge atmosphere. Hygge (pronounced “hoo-gah”) is a Danish and Norwegian word that describes a feeling of contentment and coziness.

1) “Zones de silence” and “zones de whispering.” All Nordic spas that I’ve been to ask for complete silence while using most features with perhaps a few allowed whispering zones. This helps to facilitate a serene, introspective and healing setting. My husband and I have taken this concept home with us, and we’ve been experimenting with certain periods in the day of silence or whispering in our home, and we have found it is very supportive in cultivating a peaceful energy. As someone who loves talking and also loves introverted time, I have been enjoying having more structure around designated times for each.

2) Hot and cold cycles – feeling your edges. I’ve written in previous posts a little about how I’ve been exploring the concept of finding balance within myself and my life. As crazy as it may sound, the hot cold therapy I’ve been able to explore at Nordic spas has been a supportive component of this. After all, how do I know what balance is if I don’t know what my edges are in either direction.

The way the thermal cycle or hot cold therapy works is you start with a hot feature such as a steam room (my favorite – they often add essential oils like eucalyptus or orange) or sauna and stay for around 15 minutes give or take until you are sweating profusely and are extremely hot and a cold plunge is starting to sound quite appealing. Then you muster up all your courage and take a dip in a cold plunge (temps range from 45 to 60 generally but are sometimes a lot colder, for instance if you do a river plunge in the winter, the water temperature is just above freezing) for anywhere from a few seconds in and out up to a few minutes.

While hot is a lot more appealing initially, if you stay to your edge, it gets intense and from my experience there is an edge. I overstayed (aka went past my edge that day) my welcome in a steam room once and came close to passing out. On the other hand, if I leave as soon as it’s just a little uncomfortable and too hot (not yet at my edge that day), I won’t build enough heat to do a proper cold plunge.

Cold plunges have an edge too. And like hot edges, they do vary time to time based on your current physiological condition. By physiological condition, I mean things like are you well rested, hydrated, and in the case of a cold plunge how hot did you get going into it and how cold (and far) is your walk from the steam room or sauna to the cold plunge. Because, yes, in most Nordic spas you have to walk outside in cold conditions in the winter to get from one feature like a sauna to the cold plunge. The best spas have those features very close together.

If I leave a cold plunge too soon well before my edge, I’ll still reap the benefits of course but just not as much and I won’t feel as amazing after. Fun fact, the first few times I went to Nordic spas I didn’t cold plunge and then only a very, very fast in and out. What converted me to being a cold plunge enthusiast was staying in long enough for the first time to get over that initial panic response and watch my body calm down. Then coming out I felt amazing tingles all over. Let me tell you there really is nothing like relaxing and meditating (or napping) after a hot cold cycle.

On the opposite side of the cold plunge edge, I have found my edge (for me in this experience probably about 3-4 minutes in around 55-degree water when it was around 20 to 30 degrees outside) in that when I left the cold plunge for a little while after getting out, my body was shaking and muscles spasming. It was fascinating and a little disconcerting in the moment and when I researched that after, I learned that was my body’s response trying to warm up. I would and have gone close to that edge again but definitely would not want to go over it. And most times I cold plunge I’m content not trying to push it that much.

Suffice it to say, hot cold cycles have been a wonderful way for me to connect deeper with my mind body spirit unit and edges to then find balance and equilibrium (in the relaxation phase of the thermal cycle after you do the hot and cold).

3) Cold plunges: I’d just like to add that besides the numerous studied benefits of cold plunges and hot cold therapy (everything from improved circulation, skin health, detoxification, better sleep and immune system strengthening to stress reduction, improved mood, mental clarity and mindfulness), for the cold plunge side of things specifically there is something really empowering to doing something that I find really scary (yet know is safe and will be good for me) and uncomfortable. In the last few months, I cold plunged in the winter for the first time including going in a few rivers, and it felt like a big personal accomplishment.

I hinted as much at the beginning of this post that I would have called you crazy if you had told me I’d be cold plunging 5 years ago and it’s really true. I am someone that runs cold perpetually after all, so cold plunges really did sound nuts originally. What’s neat is that while I still run cold, cold plunges aside, I’m also not as nervous of cold temps as I used to be. After all, if I can go in a river in sub-freezing temps, I’m pretty sure I can do any number of cold weather activities wearing the appropriate winter gear.

In addition, having under my belt that I’ve done (many times now) something scary and uncomfortable makes me feel a little braver about taking on other scary and uncomfortable things outside of the cold plunge.

4) Permission to just be without having to “do” anything (except maybe reading if I so choose). Something I really value about a day at a Nordic spa is that I can just quietly be. I don’t have to do anything. I mean besides going from the steam room or sauna to cold plunge to a relaxation room. I take that back cold plunges especially are hard work so I suppose I’m “doing” plenty. Jokes aside, I mean I’m getting to just be in the sense that for me going to a Nordic spa is like going to a silent healing retreat. I’m setting aside my phone, to do list and hustle and bustle of life and activities, and am simply being present in my body, in the present moment. It’s a chance to unplug and be immersed in a healing and rejuvenating experience.

If you’re interested, there are an abundance of Nordic spas in the Quebec and Montreal regions (so far in the last few years my husband and I have been to over 20!), and for around $50 you can spend the day in them going through the thermal cycle of hot, cold, relax as many times as your heart and body desires. Many are in beautiful nature settings and also have delicious cafes if you get hungry. One of my favorite spas, Strom Spa in Quebec City also has fun bonus features like a lazy hot tub river and a float tank pool that’s like floating in the dead sea. Grab your bathing suit, spa sandals, a book and you’re ready to go!

P.S. Perhaps in a future blog, I’ll share a full review of my favorite spas. For now though, I can’t mention Strom without mentioning another favorite spa, Siberia, in the outskirts of Quebec city which has my favorite steam room and favorite relaxation hut, a wonderful hygge yurt with cozy hammocks and a wood burning fire and the soothing sounds of a gurgling river outside.

2025 Intention Words – Trust, Allow & Flow

It’s that time of the year again. One year has ends and another has begun. It’s become a tradition to choose a word or two or three as my guiding intention for the year (with plenty of room for change or additions of course).

1) Trust: I already touched on this one a couple posts ago. Deepening my trust is about trusting in myself, in my higher self, in my intuition and my knowing and in a harmonious mind body spirit connection and especially learning to trust the wisdom in my body. In 2024, I realized that I’ve been very disconnected from my body wisdom and haven’t listened to it or trusted it for most of my life. I’m on an exploratory inner journey to form a trusting, loving relationship with my body, and the beautiful tapestry of energy between my body, mind and spirit.

For me, trust is also about trusting God/Goddess, the divine, the universal flow, the magic of it all and a thousand other names and words I could use to describe that infinite magical energy, in whatever form or shape you connect with Them.

When I am trusting in myself and my higher self is aligned with the divine, that’s where the magic happens, and everything flows. I’m getting ahead of myself though. If I had to sum up what trust means to me and where I’m wanting to grow, I would say it is encapsulated in Rumi’s famous poem the guesthouse, which may be my favorite poem of all time. Really this poem likely encapsulates all my intention words but again I’m getting ahead of myself.

The Guesthouse by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

2) Allow: Likewise, I know I previously wrote about my connections with the word allow during a powerful weekend workshop at Kripalu with Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy. When I think of what allow means for me, I am drawn time and time again to Danna Faulds’ poem by the same name. The biggest thing for me with allow is simply allowing whatever comes up and not pushing away emotions, sensations or experiences that are uncomfortable. It also means allowing the flow of life, not resisting, for even the most ecstatic, magical moment will end and flow into the next.

Allow by Danna Faulds

There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt,
containing a tornado. Dam a
stream and it will create a new
channel. Resist, and the tide
will sweep you off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry
you to higher ground. The only
safety lies in letting it all in –
the wild and the weak; fear,
fantasies, failures and success.
When loss rips off the doors of
the heart, or sadness veils your
vision with despair, practice
becomes simply bearing the truth.
In the choice to let go of your
known way of being, the whole
world is revealed to your new eyes.

3) Flow: Ah the word I keep getting ahead of myself for! Originally, my intention words for 2025 were going to be trust and allow. It seemed quite straightforward after all; they were the words that had come to me in the culmination of the powerful couples yoga therapy retreat in the fall, almost a culmination of 2024 in some ways. But then the word flow kept well flowing into my mind as this beautiful word that captured so much of what I wanted to embody in 2025. To flow easefully and gracefully like my namesake sacred river in India, the Kalindi river. Briefly, I considered making my intention words trust and flow and taking out allow; however, Danna Faulds’ poignant Allow poem would strike up in my consciousness like a lightning bolt. That was how all three words, trust, allow and flow, made their way into being my intention words for 2025. Trusting and allowing almost forming this immense foundation for flow to do its flowing thing. Flowing not forcing or resisting. A wise older friend recently shared a secret to leading a contented life. And it was basically summed up through the word flow. For me, flow is where the magic happens; where I can feel myself as part of the beautiful divine dance of magic, flowing all around us. The following poem is one I wrote, meditating on the concept of flow during a recent cold plunge experience.

Flow

Exhale
Trust
Allow
Flow

Inhale
Trust
Allow
Flow

I find fascinating
The way
What’s initially
Pleasurable
Over time
Can turn
Painful
And how
What’s initially
Painful
Can turn to
Ecstasy

Exhale
Ex
Hale
E
E
E
E
E
E
E

Thermal cycles
Hot cold
Dancing
With extremes
Pleasure to Pain
Pain to healing
Transformation
Rebirth

Inhale
Trust
Allow

Exhale
Flow

Cells
Shifting
Recalibration

Dna
Unraveling
Weaving
Balancing

Energy
Body
And flesh
In perfect
Harmony

Matter
And energy
Energy
And matter

It’s
All
Ener
gy

Spirit
Ritual
Ty

Flow
Let it all
Flow
It’s all
A dance
Multicolored
Ribbons
Of light
Dancing
Dancing

Stillness
In the icy depths
Of a cold plunge
Peace
Power
Unity
Release
Grace

Flow
Allow
Trust
Inhale

Trust
Flow
Allow
Exhale

Just be
Flow

Rising from the flames

Exhale

A dying
An undoing
A surrender
A becoming
A transforming
A remembering

Inhale

A seeing
Truly seeing
The magic
The Spiraling
Flows
Of energy

In me
Around me
In and around us
Divinity
Here now
Everywhere

Exhale

I am held
By the Great Mother
Her healing hands
Gently rock me
Rest child
She whispers
Let me wash away
Your sorrows
Let me breathe
Your hopes and dreams
Into being

Inhale

I meet Sita in fire
And she pours
Life giving heat
Into me

Exhale

I rise
From the ashes
Of my old self
Baptized
By the magic of creation
Shiva dancing
Throat burning, blazing
The eternal Nataraj dance
Of destruction
Of what no longer serves
And transmutational alchemy
To birth the new
Goddess rising
Phoenix reborn

Inhale

Krishna reaching out
A loving hand
The whisper of a flute melody
Beckoning
Come dance with me

Exhale

Growth Cycles, the Hero’s Journey & Archetypes

Lately, I’ve been reading about and pondering growth cycles, archetypes and the oft called “hero’s journey” and have found inspiration from a podcast episode that talks about states of consciousness and growth cycles as it relates to the ancient yogic idea of yugas (link: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0vaGiddGX6PEgHZt1wX7B0?si=0P2PSLMYTm6qFJlQX_7onQ) as well as from “Writing Archetypical Character Arcs” by K.M. Weiland. This book not only discusses the quintessential hero’s journey but also several other key archetypical cycles we humans often go through on our life journeys and which we can find mirrored in the collective unconscious in the form of stories and myths.

1) Growth cycles: The part of the podcast that I found especially profound related to the idea that we are in some stage of a growth cycle whether we are aware of it or not. This cycle roughly follows the pattern of first a plateau (I see this as the status quo comfort zone if you will) followed by a fall from the plateau (aka something uncomfortable happens that challenges me to grow in some way; I fall off the comfort zone plateau). After this again comes a rise that will take me – if I meet the growth call – to a new plateau higher than the previous one. I see this as I gain new wings and learn to fly up to that higher plateau. Then I stay there for some time (it could be a long or short while depending on the type of cycle since there are tiny micro cycles and larger macro ones) before the cycle continues with a new fall and new rise to a plateau that is once again higher (where higher here just means a new degree of growth or healing or awareness) than the last. After hearing this podcast and this description, I had a lightbulb go off inside of me. Aha! I could track these patterns within my own life in big and small ways, including some small micro cycles within larger macro cycles. The author of the podcast posited that with awareness that we all go through these cycles, we can experience perhaps a little less suffering when we are in a fall which generally feels a little uncomfortable at best to a full-blown dark night of soul despair at worst. It hasn’t completely taken away the sting of my own fall parts of the cycle, but it has helped me to hold onto a little more equanimity, even accounting for the times where in a particularly tricky fall I forget all about this wisdom.

2) Archetypes: While I read the book on archetypes several weeks after the podcast on growth cycles, I’ve been struck by their interrelatedness. Each growth cycle is my own personal hero’s journey, whether that’s a mini one completed all in a day or week or a larger one composing of months or years. What lit me up about the archetypes book was the expansion beyond just the hero’s journey though. The author shared that in fact what stories and myths and books showcase as the hero’s journey is just one of the archetypical life journeys.

What we think of as the hero’s journey is part of what’s considered the FIRST ACT or approximately the first 30 years of life. It consists of (at least as outlined in this book) childhood which is described as a flat arc, i.e. more of a plateau on a larger scale integrating a previous rise, the maiden progressive arc (progressive meaning there is a fall and then rise), the lover flat arc and then the hero’s arc many know well.

The first third of life transitions to what-happens-after-the-happily- ever-after-of-stories, the SECOND ACT of life, the period between around age 30 to age 60, ushered in by the flat parent arc (regardless of whether or not someone has children of their own). The parent arc is followed by the progressive queen arc, after which comes the flat ruler arc and then the king arc, the last second act progressive arc.

Elderhood, the THIRD ACT of life from around 60 to end of life, is initiated by the flat elder arc which is then followed by the progressive crone arc. And lastly the flat mentor arc followed by the progressive mage arc.

The idea is that each of the growth cycles builds on the previous one. And if you don’t “graduate” from a lesson, you may progress chronologically yet remain stuck in the shadow or negative arc sides. For instance, the lesson in the king arc is to relinquish power and let the queen complete her arc lesson and take over rulership of the metaphorical kingdom. If the king doesn’t give up power, he could become a tyrant, exhibiting the aggressive shadow of that role. Back to our original hero’s journey, if our hero doesn’t heed the call and complete their lesson, they could remain stuck in the shadow arcs of coward or bully.

I may go into some more of the details in later blogs yet recommend this book to get the full scoop in a much more eloquently shared way. For me, reading about these archetypes opened my eyes to an awareness of life patterns both for myself and others. And while in the book these archetypes were laid out in a linear fashion as it related to good story writing, life is never really so linear. There are growth cycles within growth cycles and what is inner child work and healing if not tying up earlier arc loose ends that hadn’t been worked through yet.

Neuroscience & Yoga Therapy

I feel like I’ve been a sponge the last few weeks and months. You know the good kind of sponge. Soaking up new learnings left and right. It’s left me in this interesting, almost oversaturated, marination state where I am eager to integrate and apply and share yet also a little overwhelmed on where and how to start. This blog post is my highlight data dump (with some of the topics to likely be explored in more depth at a later date) if you will on recent learnings and insights from life and more specifically from an insightful “Calming an Overactive Brain” seminar with William Sieber as well as an incredible “Deepening Your Relationship” weekend couples retreat at Kripalu with Michael Lee, the founder of Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy. Without further ado …

1) 20-second reset: This was a great tip from the “Calming an Overactive Brain” seminar. The premise is we are absolutely able to handle a good amount of stress (Remember? The thing we’re told is not good for us?) provided we take short breaks between stressors. This will give our brains a chance to reset and better be able to handle the next stressor. Dr. Sieber suggested a 20-second reset, basically just taking about 20 seconds to take a few long, slow inhale and exhale breaths, where the exhale is ideally longer than the inhale. He suggested picking something like after hitting send on each email, between meetings, every time you use the bathroom or go from one room to another, or any repetitive daily task to build the habit and increase the chances of remembering to do the reset after the next stressor.

2) Worry box: This is another idea from the “Calming an Overactive Brain” seminar. Have an anxiety or worry that starts consuming you at inopportune times? Um yes definitely raising my hand here. The idea with a worry box is that I would write down that worry on a piece of paper and schedule when I can worry about it. Then I put it in a box and keep adding for each additional worry. Each day I check the box and see what I am allowed to worry about when. Funnily enough, I rarely want to worry about that once all-consuming worry during the scheduled worry time! Dr. Sieber talked about the value of this from a perspective of delaying gratification (worrying about what I want to worry about now in this case) being a much smarter approach than denial. Denial after all is rough – it says no I can’t ever worry about this thing! Then that denial feels impossible, so I cave in and worry now. Delaying the worry means I’m not dismissing my worries; I’m just saying hey maybe now isn’t the necessary moment for that worry. It gives me a choice.

3) Calm down by getting hyped up: I found this one especially fascinating. Dr. Sieber shared that if you’re really anxious, don’t try to calm down right away. It will work better if you first do a few minutes of some kind of intense activity (say a minute of jumping jacks) that will raise your heartrate above what it currently is and then you’ll have an easier time calming down and relaxing after that.

4) Trust & allow: Flowing from the brain seminar to the yoga therapy retreat a few weeks later, the learning style shifted away from didactic to experiential and somatic, a style incredibly powerful and also difficult for me to put into words. Trust and allow came to me near the end of the retreat after the first night, full next day followed by an individual yoga therapy session on the second day. These words feel like a culmination of trying to verbalize a profound embodied experience. I felt like for maybe the first time in my life, my mind took a back seat and allowed my body wisdom to be in charge and in that I felt a deep sense of self-trust in my body, something that I have been disconnected from. Allow whispered into my body as well since I had to allow whatever was coming up in the embodied present and not push away and resist discomfort whether physical or emotional or mental and also not cling to pleasure or positive things and then judge other moments harshly against that. Simply allow and trust in myself and the flow of life, finding perhaps a kind of equanimity. There is a lot more I could say about this retreat since felt it really was transformative and life-changing for me on many levels yet will save that for future writing integration experiments.

5) “I love you and I wish you well today”: I thought this was a simple and profound practice shared by Michael Lee in the Yoga Therapy Couple retreat. He shared that he started a practice where each morning he tells his partner he loves her and he wishes her well in her day in some way general or more specific. My husband and I have been practicing this since the retreat and have found it really nice. I’ve also been thinking about this in relation to my relationship with myself, with the idea of also wishing myself well today. With the idea of this becoming a loving kindness meditation for myself, my husband, family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, the whole world, an offering and prayer of love and wellbeing and peace.

6) Exhale: This ties in with both the brain seminar and yoga therapy retreat. It’s certainly not a new concept but rather is something I had an aha embodied moment of remembering oh wow this is what it feels like to exhale. I wrote the below poem to try to encapsulate that feeling just a little bit, a feeling I am trying to practice returning to again and again.

Exhale
Just exhale
Breathe out
Let go
Let God
Surrender
Flow
Fly
Be free

Trust
The inhale
Will happen
Just exhale
Again
And again
Until the final exhale
Of this life

We never know
How many exhales
We have left
In this life
Savor each one
Knowing
It is a gift
Exhale

Balance Beams & Liminal Spaces

This blog was originally going to be about marinating in liminal spaces and then, well, I was meditating outside and the leaves were falling around me and the topic of balance entered into my awareness. Maybe it’s the fact that we just entered Libra season astrologically speaking (at the time my initial writing of this), the sign of balance, not to mention the autumn equinox with day and night equal lengths. One thing led to another and here we are with a blog on liminal spaces and balance beams and who knows what else since I am totally writing this stream of consciousness style. Welcome to Kalindi’s mind musings. The 1, 2, 3 numberings and such that follow are in no way reflective of any semblance of order. Proceed at your own reading risk.

1) Liminal spaces: Liminal spaces are physical, mental, emotional and/or spiritual seasons of transition, of uncertainty, of unmaking the old and weaving the new in a caterpillar cocoon fashion. These phases can feel like the ground is less solid than usual or like floating in a dreamworld trying to decipher what’s real, what’s alive and sacred for me right now. What kind of butterfly do I want to emerge as when I come out of my cocoon. For a while I was both unaware of and then resisting the idea of being in a liminal space. More recently I have started to accept and perhaps even embrace the liminality. Cocoons can be quite cozy, am I right? Until I got the jolt on the head about balance. Before that though, I’ll share this poem I wrote recently on liminal spaces for a little further exploration into that topic.

Liminal space
Spaces physical, mental, emotional spiritual
Of transition, uncertainty, unknown
Of possibility and transformation
The caterpillar waiting praying to emerge
As a butterfly
The Phoenix burst into flame
In ashes
Waiting to be reborn

I’m a chameleon
Shape-shifting
Changing colors
Turning invisible
It’s my superpower
And my kryptonite
I can be anyone or anything
I can see all the threads
Of possibilities and perspectives
So many colors
So many energies
Maybe this is why I’ve never been able to figure out my Myers Briggs type or enneagram?
Find your spirit animal – what if I have 10?

I’m marinating in this liminal space
A womb of creation
Patiently waiting
Healing, balancing
Until I emerge
A chameleon reborn
As a shape shifting dragon
Ready to fly

I’m a shape shifting dragon
Sometimes big
Sometimes small
Sometimes breathing fire
Sometimes shedding tears
Sometimes fast
Sometimes slow
Sometimes golden like the sun
Sometimes shimmery turquoise like the sea

From chameleon to dragon and back
I’m a part of everything
And everything is a part of me
I’m fluid, flowing, shifting
Air to earth
Water to fire
Elements merging
And swirling
And caressing
In a kaleidoscope of colors
Visble and invisible
I dance on the edges
Of liminal space
And I am
Enough

2) Balance beams – don’t get too comfy in one spot: I’ve always been someone that craves comfort and security. Apparently as a little kid, when my mom moved one piece of furniture slightly, I had a small meltdown. Change!? Definitely not. I also am someone who longs for feeling the magic of life and if I could have it my way having every moment feel completely magical and joyous and loving with no worries or cares in the world would be amazing. So basically a fantasy magical dreamworld. The thing is though, and this was the jolt, I’m not here to hide away in my fantasy imagination worlds. I can definitely visit there and often but I have to live here, now, in each moment of life which is going to include the challenging ones and the mundane ones. And there’s a secret in that too. The magic is in the fantasy world wanderings absolutely and it’s amazing. And the magic is also in the mundane and challenging.

It’s in learning to walk my own personal balance beam, with spirit fantasy world on one side and this world on the other. It’s learning to balance work and play. Laughter and tears. Speaking and listening. Stillness and movement. Music and silence. Hot and cold. Inhaling and exhaling. It’s eating nourishing whole foods – not too much and not too little. It’s learning to do everything in balance. Not too much and not too little. It’s seeing positive and negative simply as energy, two halves of a magic coin. And as I learned in my childhood (and adult) beloved fantasy novels, magic (energy) is neither good or bad, it’s about what I do with it, how I see it, how I use it, how I balance it. So how does this tie in with the liminal space exploration? Great question. I think where I was getting with that is that I was noticing myself having some fear about coming out of the liminal space when that time was right. And there is the tie to the balancing act. Liminal cocoon spaces and spreading wings in the next butterfly (or dragon) incarnation.

3) It’s a daily practice. The epiphanies, the elaborate ceremonies and rituals, the mystical awakenings and experiences. They are amazing. They are magic. The part that sometimes gets forgotten though is the daily practice that must come after. The epiphanies and awakenings are gifts of inspiration. They are like falling in love. Like a lightning bolt. Like sky diving. Loving though both self and others, that is the ultimate balancing beam experiment. To love is a daily practice, a vow. It involves mental discipline (you know … to quiet those critical and fearful thoughts that like to get in the way of love), boundaries, awareness and infinite patience. It is a practice of doing my best each day, knowing that my best will change, just like each day changes. It’s realizing that life is a giant liminal space made up of a tapestry of a thousand liminal space weavings. It is an undoing and becoming in a beautiful spiral infinity loop journey to ever deepening depths of divine love.

I’d like to end with Rumi’s The Guest House, the first and so far, only poem I’ve memorized. I think it embodies a lot of the ideas I’ve been trying to share and expresses them much more eloquently.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably
He may be clearing you out
For some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and
invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Breaking the chains

Once upon a time
There was a young girl
She walked with dragons
And fairies and elves
She played in the woods
And knew the truth
And touched the magic
She was pure love and magic

The villagers however
Grew afraid
Who was this little girl
Her powers shining so bright?
No no this won’t do at all
She can’t be so bright
It will dim our light
We must all be the same
No one too bright

This might hurt a little
they told her
But you’ll get used to it
After a while
You won’t even
Remember they are there!
And then you’ll be like us
Safe contained the same
It’ll be better that way
You’ll see

And then they put on the chains
The pain was so blinding
So disconcerting
The little girl
Completey blacked out
And then she forgot
That she had chains at all
She also forgot her magic
Her light
Now she was
Just like everyone else

The little girl grew up
And she’s been been walking
Walking through life
Each step heavy
So heavy
Her limbs
Weighted down
By iron chains
Fear
Scarcity
Abandonment
Indecisiveness
Defensiveness
Anger
Hate
Deceipt
Ignorance
Selfishness
Shame
Guilt

They tug
At her limbs
Cut into her flesh
And draw blood
Leaving gaping wounds
In their wake
As she hobbles
And limps
Feverish
Trying to step forward
While being dragged back

One day
Her old friends
The dragons and fairies
And elves
The creatures of the woods
The trees and the sun and the moon
They came to her
Excited
They’d finally found
The keys
To open the chains
They joyfully
Brought them to her
But the girl didn’t see them
Didn’t see the keys
Didn’t know
She wore chains
She just thought
Pain and suffering
Gaping wounds
Shame
And fear
All those heavy
Weights
She thought they
Were her

Dejected
All the creatures
Went back to the forest
All except one
A little dragon
Smaller and weaker
Than the rest
No bigger than the size
Of your hand
Often teased
This dragon
Had loved the little girl
Most of all
Because the little girl
Had been kind to her
Had seen her as magical and amazing
Not small and weak
So the little dragon
Decided
I won’t give up
And she stuck by the girl
Even though the girl
Didn’t notice her
The dragon stayed
Anyway
And what’s more
With all her little dragon
Strength
She helped to
Push and pull
The chains
The girl was dragging

And as for the girl
Well suddenly
She had glimpses
A momentary awareness
Of what it felt like
To have her heavy burden
Lifted
Shared
Even just a little
She could feel
Beneath
The heavy chains
A flickering light
Faint, rusty
But somehow still bright
Coming from
Deep within her
In her core
Was that called?
Her heart?

In that moment
The little dragon
Spread its tiny wings
And hopped directly
Onto the girls
Chest
Clinging there
In an awkward dragon hug
And the dragon gave the girl
All the love the girl had given her
Like a mirror reflecting the sun

And as the light and love
From the little dragon
Poured into the girl
The girls light seed
Pulsed stronger
And stronger
Until that seed
Of love
Compassion
Light
Kindness
Ease
Peace
Courage
Flow
Joy
Magic
Expanded
And expanded
Until it exploded
Into a forest
Of stars
Into a meadow
Of trees
Into an ocean
Of flowers
Embracing
Dissolving
Integrating
Healing
The chains
Until
They went back
Into the earth
Recycled
Nutrients
For growth

And the little dragon
Well
She grew
And she grew
And she lifted the girl
On her back
And together
They soared
Wild and free
Spreading love seeds
In brilliant rainbows of light
To all whose path they crossed
Recycling more chains
Bravely venturing out
Knowing no chains
Could ever keep them small
Again