I’ve been reflecting lately about the concepts of dating, falling in love and self-love. I’m someone who generally speaking has an easier time trusting, accepting and loving others more than myself. I include trust, acceptance and love because I was recently part of a discussion where trust and acceptance were posited as key ingredients for love and that idea resonated. I think compassion should get thrown in the love pot as well as a concept of understanding, knowing and seeing someone deeply and intimately. I took this concept a step further and found myself pondering the early stages of dating and falling in love and reflecting on beautiful memories of these initial stages of love in my own life with my now husband.
Then a strange question popped into my head – I wonder what dating and falling in love with myself would be like? I wonder what it would be like to feel that kind of intimacy, love, trust, acceptance, understand and deep knowing of myself? As someone who has struggled with self-worth issues most of my life, these basic concepts seemed rather radical and daunting for me.
I realize this blog has started off pretty heavy, so to lighten the mood I’ll conclude by sharing some ways I’ve recently gone on “dates” with myself. You’ll notice these are mostly all introverted activities in the realm of a mini or larger retreat. Add any extroverted activities you feel inspired to, but I would suggest including at least somewhere it’s just you, yourself and I – that’s where the real getting to know yourself deeply magic happens.
I enjoyed quite a few of these activities at a recent weekend while my partner was away for work yet picking just one works great too. I recommend a combination of mini (anywhere from a 20-minute to an hour or two practice or exercise) and macro (a day, weekend or longer) “self-retreats” for optimal dating yourself time … whatever works best for you.
1) Take a long, sensuous bath while listening to meditative music.
2) Make and enjoy a candlelight dinner with yourself.
3) Spend time outside! If the weather is warm, sit outside and read or write or just enjoy a good cup of coffee or tea … whatever floats your boat. Perhaps some gentle outdoor stretches or yoga might entice you? Or maybe a walk or bike ride?
4) Blast the music, dance and sing or just lie down and feel the pulse of the melodies.
5) Meditate. This could be “traditional” or something totally unique. All of the above preceding date ideas totally count as meditation forms! Yup even the dinner – it’s called a mindful eating meditation. It could be journaling or even writing poetry. It could be musical (mantras, kirtan, playing music that you feel in your soul while you sit or dance) or it could be silent. This is your time for you to commune with yourself, specifically your Higher Self and the Divine (however you connect to these ideas), the part of you that is so in love with you already it would take your breath away and they are just waiting for you to feel that unconditional love within you.
6) Look up at the stars and the moon. I did this and felt inspired to write a poem about it the other night and so will share that to end this blog.
Night Magic
Next time it’s night out
Instead of retreating
To your beds
And blanket forts
Nestled in the comforting safety
Of indoors
Sit outside instead
Even just for a few breaths
Look up at the stars
At the waxing glowing moon
At the shadows of trees
Framing the horizon
Breathe in
The crisp
Late summer
Almost fall
Night air
Can you smell the freshness?
The moss and pine and dewy grass?
Listen
Can you hear
The humming of the crickets?
A collective om nature
Can you hear the rustle in the brush?
A deer?
A fox?
A bobcat?
Or perhaps the family of wild turkeys
Settling down for the night
Can you feel the aliveness
The heightened energy
Of night
So different from day
Let your heartbeat sync
With the whisper of the trees
And creatures of the sky and the forest
You are home
This is magic
Now only one question remains
Why haven’t I been doing this all summer?
Good night moon
Good night trees
Good night stars
Good night grass
Good night animals
Good night Maine