For most of my 32 years on planet earth (at the time of this writing), I’ve trusted others and external sources of authority more than I’ve trusted myself. I’ve looked externally for my guru if you will, for validation, support, healing, answers, who I should be and what I should do. This year, supported by a “Bridge from Body to Soul” training with Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy and “Resonant Healing” trainings with Sarah Peyton along with a somatic trauma training with Embody Lab among other things, I’ve began to shift that a little.
I’m noticing that I’m noticing sooner when I self-betray and listen to an external authority over myself, my own body, soul, my whole being, and what that self-betrayal, that self-sacrifice, costs me in my body and my soul. I’m noticing that while after three decades of mostly ignoring my inner voice, that inner knowing inside, my inner guru resting in my heart, is very soft, very quiet, very hard to hear. Or perhaps it is not that my inner guru is too quiet but rather that my doubting, external validation seeking mind has simply been too loud. After all, it’s hard to hear a gentle whisper when people are also shouting in the same space. With all that said, here are a couple of practices that I’ve been exploring as I learn to listen to and follow my own inner guru.
1) I try to take some time for myself regularly, even just a few minutes each day, more if I can. For me, when I’m home this happens each morning during my contrast therapy and gentle stretches and meditation routine. This is a time to slow down and ease my way gently into the day, to sink into the heat and slow stretches my body may want to do in my SaunaBox and then embrace the icy calm in the cold plunge. And if I have time I’ll repeat that going from hot to cold to hot and finally ending with cold. A bath in evening and solo walk on the beach are other ways that resonate a lot with me.
2) If I have a flash of a feeling like hey this might not be good for me, I am practicing listening to that feeling instead of dismissing it. I am learning to recognize the difference between anxiety coming from my mind and a warning intuition coming from my body. I’m also reflecting if I didn’t listen fully, so that I can learn for the future. Something I’ve learned is that in order to be able to hear my intuition, I have to be connected and dropped into my body first. For me, gentle movements and breathing help me do this. This might be yoga poses and meditation or a walk outside. And, of course, the aforementioned contrast therapy and baths as well.
3) Speaking of learning to listen to my intuition vs. my anxiety, in general I’m practicing distinguishing between my inner heart guru’s voice vs. my inner anxious mind’s voice. It’s very much a journey in progress but one of the ways I’ve been aware of the distinction is that my inner guru’s voice has this feeling of serenity and equanimity and spaciousness. Advice from my inner guru whether in favor, neutral or against something is a quiet nudge, an invitation, a gentle suggestion. My inner guru often recommends sitting with myself and my feelings and thoughts and sensations first before taking any actions including speaking. My anxious mind on the other hand is fast like the inside of a gumball machine, a thousand impulses firing at once. My anxious mind wants action now! Fix it now! It wants immediate relief from the anxious itch covering my skin.